Reflections

The Root of Sin

Well, on the plus side I've identified what's been causing some problems in my life lately, but on the negative side, I cling to this very thing, it has been hard for me to get rid of, you see, it always comes back, or rather, I always bring it back. The name of my troublesome companion is Pride.

What is pride? Pride is an over-estimation of oneself . . . an undue confidence in one's accomplishments, skills, possessions, or position. Pride is easier identified in others than in oneself. Pride attributes glory to self. Christian thinkers Augustine and Aquinas considered pride to be the very essence of sin. Pride contaminates virtue and turns virtue into sin . . . Vaunting myself above others because I consider myself spiritually stronger is sin. We will always be able to find those weaker than ourselves. Pride in my perceived virtue will keep me from the repentance I desperately need. I cannot over-value myself without at the same time under-valuing others.

-The Deceit of Pride by Thomas R. Fletcher (emphasis added)

These last few weeks I've been a little off, not my normal happy, cheery self, and I didn't know why until now. It started when Scott had a busy rotation in medical school, it had him getting up at 4:30AM, getting home at 7:30PM, then studying for his test, and going to bed at 10:00PM. I knew Scott needed to study for his test so I figured when he was home I'd let him study and busy myself with other things, like starting my Expeditions in the Kitchen blog. My "selfless act" of letting him study turned into a very self-centered thing. I expected to pursue and do whatever I wanted during this time not be interrupted. I am ashamed to admit that sometimes there was resentment when Scott would "interrupt" what I was doing and want to spend time with me. Couldn't he wait a little bit? We were both busy and under stress, we were both thinking about ourselves (most likely myself more than he), and so we bickered when we had never bickered before.

PRIDE had reared its ugly head

Proverbs 13:10 fulfilled: "Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."

The Knot (a wedding magazine and website) was having a competition for the best wedding of 2008. Of course, I had to submit ours. I worked all afternoon one Saturday sorting through our pictures, finding the ones that represented it best, writing paragraphs that described each picture, and when I went to submit it that night the web page had expired and everything was lost. What a waste of time. Still on Sunday I was at it again, this time it was successfully submitted, but it was still a waste of valuable time. Why didn't I spend this time with Scott whom I hadn't seen very much the week before? Or call my family, or a friend, or read God's word, or do something else that enriches life? Because I sought my glory. This was meaningless and fruitless. Why do I seek after such things?

PRIDE

Ecclesiastes 2:11 fulfilled:

"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."

And on it went. I thought about what I'm going to do when Scott starts residency. Get a job I suppose, but would I be able to find one? What would I do? More research? Something I like more? Go to school? Needless to say all this thinking, or worrying, focused me on myself even more. When one worries, or is anxious, it is very hard to be fully aware of others around you and their needs, instead your mind is occupied with your worries/troubles and thus you are focused only on yourself. On top of this, worrying is a desire for control, and when we seek control we are not trusting God, instead "we know best." This is pride.

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

You see, what I have been doing these last few weeks may not be thought of right away as pride, but instead as selfishness. However, when I am downright honest with myself, my selfishness comes from my pride; from thinking I am better, more valuable, more important, more "worth it" than others. It is this pride/selfishness that is the opposite of the humility described in Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

I had heard before that pride is the root of all sin. I didn't believe it when I heard it but I now confess it to be true. When you are prideful you consider yourself to be #1. If you're number one, God is not. You are not seeking Him, you are not seeking to love others as He does, and so you botch God's plan (for the moment, praise God for mercy!), you bicker, you glorify/worship yourself, you cannot fully trust God, you judge others, you are a hypocrite. So take care, next time your mind is filled with thoughts of yourself, any thoughts, positive or negative, check for pride and get rid of it! Instead seek His truth and His will. I've found the greatest fulfillment comes from going after God's Kingdom.  Take it from me, life is better when not preoccupied with self!  

Other thoughts on pride taken from "The Deceit of Pride" by Thomas R. Fletcher

Pride deceives us in many ways. Pride deceives us into believing we are self-sufficient. Pride can deceive us into thinking we have a special line of communication to God because of our virtue, that we are somehow more special to God than others. Pride deceives us into believing the good we receive from God is somehow deserved. Pride deceives us into thinking we are better than others and in so doing makes us worse. Pride isolates us from those we look down upon. Pride hardens the heart. We lose compassion for others. Pride brings discontent. It makes us feel we lack the recognition we deserve. Pride brings contention--we can't all have first place, so we fight about it. Pride denies guilt, it rationalizes and justifies actions, but refuses to accept blame. Pride leads to presumption upon God. Ultimately pride will lead the Christian to disappointment with God. We go off on our own, assuming we are "God directed," only to have things fall apart. We then feel that God has let us down. No, we have let God down by going our own way while claiming His direction.

and

Pride is an abomination to God (Proverbs 16:5). It is abhorrent to Him for at least two reasons: one is the separation it brings between us and Himself and the second is the separation it brings between us and others. A proud Christian is of more service to Satan than to God. Such a one can keep others from Christ.

For his full article, click here
Bible quoted from NIV translation on biblegateway.com