Satan is the master deceiver, but I would say I’m pretty darn good at deceiving myself too! I like to be “good”, I like everything to be ok, and I really like to be right. Because of this, when I pray and present myself before God, I often only “reveal” surface level things about me and my life at that moment. I’m Whitney after all, and I’m “good.” Help! How pathetic is that?
God already knows every intimate detail about me, who am I fooling? Only myself. God is our heavenly loving Father, he wants us to seek him (Deut. 4:29), to love him (Deut. 6:5), to cast all our burdens on him (Mat. 11:28-30), and to be friends with him (John 15:15). If I do not choose to be intimate with God, then God becomes a “Force” whom I either view to be manipulated, or to be displeased with me. When he’s a “Force”, I falsely seek to please Him. It is false, because I don’t seek to please out of love for God or to bring Him glory. In my twisted mind I think if I just do “enough” to keep God happy and keep some imaginary “good” classification before God, then everything is ok.* But this is not ok! When I do this I am being completely fake! In order to have a fully enriching and fruitful relationship with God, I need him to be my closest friend. I need to do all the things I normally do with my closest friends: not be fake for starters, spend time with God, trust him, respect him, communicate (not just me talking all the time, but actually taking time to listen to him), not be controlling, not be duplicitous (Matthew 6:24), and even going through trials together which bring us closer.
When I take down my defenses and get real with God, I discover great freedom. I find Proverbs 28:13 to be so true, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” When I confess my sin, bluntly tell God my frustrations,** let him take my burdens, trust him with my future, seek him alone, and listen to him, I find so much peace. Another perk of confessing my sin, is that I recognize I’m no more worthy than anybody else of God’s favor and grace. With this recognition comes humility, which I don’t always possess a lot of, but humility is essential to be an instrument of God who calls us to love, love, love everyone. Having pride, or selfishness, does not allow me to love to the full extent of which I am called by God. (I read this devotion today, which talks of pride and humility and it spoke to my heart so feel free to check it out!)
Abba Father, I am sorry for when I do not come to you in my times of need, forgive me of my pride. Help me to lay down my pride and selfishness daily and instead take up humility and love. Give me the energy and compassion to love others as you do Father. Help me to recognize myself for the unworthy sinner that I am so that I can recognize my need of you, and so that I am not proud or judgmental. Thanks for listening to me and loving me always. I am in absolute awe that you count me as your friend.
Yours,
Amen
*By the way, this type of thinking fuels the lie that God likes you when you’re good and when you’re not then he doesn’t. Instead, God’s love is steadfast and unchanging, and he loves us always. When we believe the lie it prevents us from having the pure, intimate relationship with God that we are called to have.
**Yes, you can tell God when you’re ticked, either at him or others, and even use violent language if necessary. Why? Because you’re being honest and real which is necessary for a healthy relationship with anyone. Once you let your frustration out you’re more ready to move on and more willing to take God’s hand to help you up. If you don’t you may become embittered toward God. If you look you’ll find many Psalmists (loudly) voiced their frustrations as well!
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